Utility
by starah
Summary: Somewhere along the way, Usopp begins to harbour some doubts. (A NamiUsopp friendship ficlet.) One-shot.


Nami staggered out of bed, holding a hand to her forehead as she stumbled onto the deck, desperate for some fresh air. As she breathed in the salty tang deeply, she felt the headache lessen and rested against the railings. Today's severe weather change had caught her immunity system off guard, and she was sure she'd gotten a light flu of some sort from the ordeal. She had kept it in and managed to convince everyone she was fine, but the aches finally caught up to her in her sleep.  
  
The bone aches and shivers whined to be kept in bed, but Nami's headache ruled over all the other pains and made her crawl out for some air. She felt a bit better as she clutched the blanket she'd dragged out with her tightly around her shoulders. Her eyes flitted over the clouds in the inky sky that framed the bright clusters of stars, and marvelled at the beauty of the skies. She glanced at the ladder leading to the crow's nest. Perhaps she would get closer to it and take in air less salty from higher up...  
  
Climbing up the rope rungs, Nami was surprised to find someone already in the crow's nest. She slipped next to him, throwing the blanket she'd been holding under one arm onto his head.  
  
"Hey Usopp." She greeted. He managed not to let out a scream of shock and instead gulped loudly.  
  
"Nami? What are you doing up here?!"  
  
"Can't I be here? It's not like you own this spot," Nami said with a brief scowl as she huddled into her blanket. He returned the look before he went back to a square piece of parchment and his pencil. Nami looked up to see the Jolly Roger wavering gently in the breeze, and took in the bluish tint on the puffy swarm of clouds, the richness of the black expanse that glittered with pin-pricks of crystal and the cool breeze that played across her face.  
  
"...I love it up here."  
  
Nami looked at Usopp in surprise to see him looking at the sky, too. "I come up here thinking about getting closer to the sky, but it always seems farther away once I actually get here..." He leaned onto the centre post as he watched the clouds swirl and drift silently before murmuring, "It looks like velvet, doesn't it?"  
  
"The night does look inviting." She agreed, smiling as she watched the stars twinkle, "It's a nice change from the hectic day, isn't it?"  
  
"I'll say! Why, if it weren't for my superb commanding skills, we'd all be dead by now--" Usopp started, but was promptly bopped over the head by a very annoyed looking Nami. She was surprised to see him give her a sad sort of smile before looking up at the skies again.  
  
"...What are you doing out of bed?" He asked lightly, "You should get back to sleep." Nami blinked.  
  
"I'm not very tired," She began, but Usopp rolled his eyes.  
  
"Come on. Don't think I didn't see through your act to try and be tough. Have you got the flu or something? It was the weather change, wasn't it?"  
  
"...Was it obvious?" Nami asked nervously. She hoped Usopp was the only one who knew she wasn't feeling well - as much as she appreciated any concerned gestures and feelings, she didn't want anyone to worry for her needlessly. It was just a light fever, after all...  
  
"No. But I sort of got the hint when you fell down the stairs and then blamed it on the sheer excellency of Sanji's cooking."  
  
Nami breathed a soft sigh of relief. Usopp proceeded to give her a strange look that caught her attention immediately, but it was only for the briefest of moments - his eyes returned to the skies before he murmured,  
  
"Besides... I can tell."  
  
"Can you?" Nami asked in surprise. He tucked his hands behind his neck, giving an awkward sort of nod.  
  
"Because of Kaya." He mumbled, "She used to have this subtle sense of sickness... so it's hard for me not to notice things like that."  
  
Usopp brooded as Nami's eyes flickered over the parchment at his legs. It was a picture of a very familiar window.  
  
"Depressed?" She asked, gesturing with blanket-gripping fingers towards the sketch of the lonely window. Usopp shrugged.  
  
"I guess... I get depressed when I think too much. And I get a lot of time to think up here..."  
  
"What's on your mind?"  
  
Usopp visibly hesitated, and stole that same glance from before at Nami's genuinely concerned eyes. He sighed.  
  
"Well... this crew is full of wackos, and I sometimes pretend I'm one of the saner ones on board... meaning they would need me, but..."  
  
He stopped talking, as though he'd lost the point of what he'd been trying to say. However, from a piercing stare from Nami, Usopp continued quietly.  
  
"Uhm... Zoro and Luffy and Sanji... they're like, all really really strong. You know what I mean. I always call them inhuman because their strength is scarily abnormal."  
  
"I know that," Nami cut in, frowning slightly at Usopp, "We all know that."  
  
The light from the stars seemed to shimmer very slightly on Usopp, casting a lonely, pale glow on his features.   
  
"Sometimes," He said softly, "I wonder... where-- well, where I belong."  
  
It suddenly occurred to Nami how young Usopp could look. He was only a year younger than her, but he somehow looked so much younger now...  
  
"What are you talking about, Usopp? You're on this ship. You're the sniper." She watched the sniper tuck himself against the centre post as he mumbled,  
  
"Sniper? When have I ever sniped? I haven't done a thing for this ship since I got on it."  
  
"You got that merman," Nami said automatically, and Usopp let out a short, mocking laugh.  
  
"Merman? Yeah, I still go on about that, don't I? That was before we even got into the GrandLine. And how many islands have we been on since then? How many more places and bad guys and the like? I can't do anything alone, you know. Merman. Heh, that seems so long ago."  
  
Nami was so taken back by Usopp's completely uncharacteristic words, she took a few moments to stare at his huddled form. He suddenly gave a shiver. Tentatively, Nami reached over and brushed her fingers against his forehead. As though she'd burnt him, Usopp jolted away from her, backing up against the curve of the crow's nest as he gave her a wide-eyed, scared look.  
  
"You're sick." Nami stared at him incredulously. "Your forehead's burning."  
  
"You're just cold," Usopp said roughly, leaning away from her and avoiding her gaze, "I'm not sick."  
  
Nami settled back into her blankets, trying to convince herself it was because she was cold, and not because his words had somehow stung her. Her hand knocked against something cool and hard, and her eyes flickered down to see several bottles.   
  
'He was drinking? That's why he's burning... that's why he's saying so much. He's drunk.' She hid a smirk with the back of her hand as she thought, 'I must be sicker than I thought. Didn't even notice...'  
  
There was a short silence that held a distinct awkwardness before Usopp finally let out a soft exhalement of breath.  
  
"I'm not sick." He repeated. Nami shrugged, murmuring,  
  
"Are you really worried about this?"  
  
"About what?" Usopp said, a lop-sided grin capturing his mouth, "About my lack of utility?"  
  
"Utility." Nami repeated.  
  
"Yeah. I'm not exactly... used around here..." Usopp sank back against the main post as he turned his eyes to the skies, adding, "Not that anyone really expects anything from me, though."  
  
"You don't give a lot to expect," Nami answered without thinking, and she felt she could have slapped herself for the look the wince Usopp gave.  
  
Sighing softly, he sketched a few more lines into the window as he said quietly, "I'm beating myself up too, you know. I'm a man, and sometimes I think-- I think that means I'm supposed to be more... macho. Bear masculine pride, if you know what I mean? Be strong, even when I'm not really, right? But I can't amount to what this crew's strength potentially is..."  
  
Nami looked at him silently, her eyes curious and trying to search Usopp. He kept managing to hide his eyes from her. Shaking her head, and ignoring the pains that added to her headache, she said firmly, "I think you're being ludicrous. You always talk about pride. Remember Little Garden? Come on..."  
  
Usopp rested his forehead against his sketchbook, his eyes squeezed shut as he mumbled, "You don't get it Nami... without you, the ship wouldn't sail. Without Sanji, Zoro or Luffy, we'd all be dead by now. But the crew wouldn't be any different without me. In fact, it'd probably be better..."  
  
Before Nami could retort to this, Usopp let out a weird laugh as he stated, "Get it? No strengths in me. I have nothing to base pride on." He turned his head away from Nami as he slurred, "It's weird... I know I'm weak - I constantly remind myself and the crew of that fact. And if I really... really think about it... I don't know what Luffy's playing at... keeping someone as useless as me on board..."  
  
A salty wind blew, and Nami shivered violently as her hair was whipped across her cheeks. Usopp stole a glance at her, before saying quietly, "You'd better get back to bed... it gets pretty chilly near dawn..."  
  
He had tucked himself into a ball as he'd rambled, and Nami frowned at him rest his chin into his knees as he looked up at the black night with darkened eyes. Though still shivering, Nami pulled the blanket tightly around herself and stayed put. As Usopp noticed her rigid state, and furrowed his brows as he opened his mouth to reproach, she fixed on him with a stern, stubborn gaze.  
  
"So what are you going to do about it?" She said, concealing the chatter in her teeth as well as she could. He looked taken back at this, staring at her with his mouth slightly open, before he roughly turned back to his sketchbook and began pencilling random lines around the window.  
  
"I don't know." He muttered, scribbling rapidly, "I don't think I could stay. But I guess I'm just--" his voice caught, but he forced it back on track with just the hint of frigid air tainting it. "I guess I'm just too cowardly, as usual. Can't bring myself to leave this place..."  
  
"Because you love this ship." Nami said, and Usopp bit his lip.  
  
"Exactly." He stopped drawing to turn his head away from Nami again. "I guess I'll just-- just stay until I die in some stupid, sordid way from this uselessness in me. It's not like I wouldn't deserve that..."  
  
Usopp was jerked slightly, obviously startled out of his wits to feel a sudden pressure against his shoulder. Leaning against his warmth, Nami snuggled deeper into her blankets, smiling slightly.  
  
"You are a coward." Nami said quietly, "But you realise you're talking to another one. After all, I only crawled out of my shell quite recently... before I did, I always found myself thinking the same thing, over and over. I'd bet my orange trees that we've shared that same thought."  
  
Usopp wasn't replying, but he was definitely listening, Nami was sure of it. Turning her focus to the blanket of stars, Nami whispered, "I don't deserve to be here."  
  
Usopp's gentle rise and fall of form stiffened.  
  
"That thought crossed my mind so many times... I had to leave you guys before it was too late. But it was already too late... I'd already fallen for the crew. The crew including you, Usopp."  
  
He didn't respond, but turned his head further from hers.  
  
"Sure... you don't give a lot to expect. You're a straight-forward coward, at that. You can't kick like Sanji, or use swords like Zoro. But you know what? You've got a lot of other things you can do." Now Usopp turned his head slightly towards Nami, and she caught a glimpse of a half-hearted smirk.  
  
"Like what?" He prompted, "Lying?"  
  
Laughing, Nami replied, "Of course not! You have awful lying skills."  
  
"Thanks." Usopp grumbled, looking away, but Nami was now smiling gently as she looked up at the inky skies. It wasn't looking so inky anymore; it was starting to lighten.  
  
"You've got a strength that's different from Zoro and Luffy," She murmured, "Neither of them could fix the ship or shoot a cannon like you can. Sure, you don't snipe often, but you realise that's because you're scared to try too much. You're afraid of your own potential..."  
  
He was silent for a moment before he whispered, "Were you?"  
  
Nami closed her eyes as she admitted, "Yeah. You see... all of us have potential, especially in strengths that aren't just physical. I'm a navigator. You're a sniper. It's not that difficult to see why, either... you know how we don't venture out into the battlefield that often. But we do when we have to. We're already able to do things, we just don't want to expand on those areas because they're not what we're used to..."  
  
She laughed a little as she asked, "You don't seriously think Luffy would employ us if he didn't have good reason to?"  
  
"Enlighten me," Usopp mumbled, "why did he take me in?"  
  
"He took all of us in because he saw potential in us, you dummy. He knows what we're capable of. Remember how you said that you have nothing to base you pride on? You do. Everyone does. Because existence itself is something you can pride on. And Luffy knows that your existence, Usopp, is worth everything on this ship. But you know, it's really up to us to take him up on his trust. Are we going to continue to be cowardly, or what?"  
  
When Usopp didn't answer, Nami shook her head, looking up at the skies growing pinker as she said stoutly, "Without you, Usopp, the ship would have sunk by now, and we'd have never recruited Sanji. And you know, even if you think no one uses you, you make yourself useful. I think that's a lot more better than being used more often..."  
  
Usopp turned to look at Nami now, looking genuinely scared as he asked, "Do you really think I can stay on this ship?"  
  
"We're weak, but we're still on it for a reason, aren't we?" Nami said with an arched eyebrow, "I think all we can do is just... grow stronger."  
  
There was a silence that stretched contemplatively. Usopp's eyes flickered to his sketch, and then back to Nami's eyes. She gave him a warm smile despite her chills, and with a grateful and appreciative nod, the sniper picked up his pencil and paper once more.  
  
Then Usopp leant back against Nami, ever so lightly. She shut her eyes, her heart considerably lighter as she felt Usopp's burdens raise themselves off his own chest, her body relaxing under the blankets. Usopp pulled her blanket over her, and looked out over the dawning skies, radiant streaks of orange and pink highlighting the clouds soft peach and rose.  
  
Nami dozed off against his shoulder. Usopp went back to his sketch. He began doodling flowers at the bottom, way below the window.  
  
As Usopp began to outline a figure at the centre of the window, Luffy popped his head up from over the edge of the Crow's nest, chewing a huge chunk of ham.  
  
"Hey!" He said cheerfully, "Good morning!"  
  
Nami's eyes flickered open, and she yawned tiredly. Her bones still felt a little stiff, but she did feel a bit better... Standing up unsteadily and running her fingers through her hair, Nami warily surveyed the surrounding sea and sky.  
  
"Wind's good," She said, the late-morning air effectively crispening her up, and she checked the lockpost at her wrist. "It's in a slightly more north-western direction than we need it to be. Open up the sails fully, but get the guys working on the key."  
  
Luffy pouted. "But they don't listen to me! And I can't remember such complicated stuff!" He complained.  
  
"It's only complicated to morons like you," Nami shot back, but she started to hoist herself over so she could start descending. As she climbed down, however, Luffy remained poking his head over the Crow's nest.  
  
"Why aren't you going, Usopp? Aren't you gonna help?" Luffy asked.  
  
*...Not that anyone really expects anything from me, though...*  
  
"O-Of course I am! I'm tons more useful than you usually ever are, you know!!" Came Usopp's rather startled voice, sounding mortally offended.  
  
Below on the rungs, Nami grinned quietly to herself. 


End file.
